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Joke of the Day

"[is being given CPR by my ex girlfriend] ""do you know how many heart attacks I had to fake before they sent you."""

"Is there a mouse that doesn't make a clicking noise as I'm trying to close 10 windows when my boss walks into my office?"

"Why do aardvarks make undesirable neighbors? Because they always have their noses in other people's business!"

"Shoving a hose up someones butt. What a douche move!"

"Nephew drops my iPad, doesn't say sorry but proceeds to offer me a biscuit. His future in Politics is secure."

"What's the difference between my face and my jokes? People laugh at my face."

"When is a door not a door? When its ajar."

"What's the most-clicked link on the Alzheimer's support website? Forgot Your Password?"

"Mushroom walks into a bar and orders a drink. BARTENDER: We dont serve your kind round' here. MUSHROOM: Why not I'm a fun-gai. I'll see my way out, thanks."

"Hey women, save your money, we just want you wrapped in a bow for Christmas. Wait, don't even worry about buying the bow."