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Joke of the Day

"Is there a mouse that doesn't make a clicking noise as I'm trying to close 10 windows when my boss walks into my office?"

"Why don't midgets like barbecues? because the steaks are too high."

"Why don't you mess with one-ply toilet paper? It doesn't take shit from anyone"

"I'd rather have Samuel L Jackson narrate my life.. No offense, Morgan Freeman.. My life requires multiple uses of the word m 0therfcuker."

"A group of mountain climbers once heard Father Christmas go past. They must have had sharp ears! They were mountain-ears!"

"Win a Canadian marathon by putting a door just before the finish line and having them all wait for you to go through first."

"One thing you can count on: For every idiot proof system devised, a new and improved idiot will arise to overcome it."

"They're demanding figgy pudding. They won't go until they get some. What do I do? Call the cops? I'm calling the cops."

"My ID expired so I can only go to the liquor store where they remember me: the one where I asked the cashier out and threw up on the floor."

"Why did the dog chase the bulldozer? It doesn't like Cats."