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Joke of the Day

"omg this fire truck is being such an attention whore right now"

"A white American told me I shouldn't call myself ""British"" because brown people aren't native to Britain. A white American White. American."

"Went to a nude beach today and let me tell you- I had a lot of women's attention. I could just feel them dressing me with their eyes."

"[My Wedding] Me: I do Guests: Awww Me: Or do I? Guests: Ooooo"

"How do you make a hormone? Don't pay her!"

"A family walks into a hotel The father goes to the front desk and says ""I hope the porn is disabled."" The guy at the desk replies. ""It's just regular porn you sick fuck."""

"What do you get from a Hebrew genie? A coupon for 10% off three Jewishes"

"When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face."

"Mom, i'm going out -You are not going out with that mini skirt. -But why? -Because they can see your balls, David."

"At first I thought maybe HBO had another vampire show. Then I realized that's just what Steve Buscemi really looks like."