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Joke of the Day

"I've just seen a girl post a selfie with her dead grandma on facebook and thousands have commented ""rip"". Stop the internet, I wanna get off"

"Never been to the blindfold shooting range? You don't know what you're missing."

"Why does everyone love Plato? Because he loved Dogs and he had two sons named Plato and Socrates"

"What did the maxi pad say to the fart? ""You are the wind beneath my wings."""

"I bought a new deodorant today. The instructions said ""open cap and push up bottom"". Now I can't walk but my farts smell awesome."

"Pizza is like sex. When its good, its reeallly good, but when its bad... It's still pretty damn good."

"The universe contains protons,neutrons,electrons and morons."

"Mistakes married women make: 1. Assuming he heard you. 2. Assuming he understood you. 3. Assuming he'll remember. 4. Marrying a man."

"What do you call a psychic midget that just escaped from prison? A small medium at large."

"Did you know sugar is the only word that begins with an 's' that makes a 'sh' sound? I'm sure of it."