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Joke of the Day

"Mistakes married women make: 1. Assuming he heard you. 2. Assuming he understood you. 3. Assuming he'll remember. 4. Marrying a man."

"Why didn't Hannibal Lecter have any friends as a kid? He was told not to play with his food."

"We can play Yahtzee again. -You fixed the broken dice? Yeah. And they'll never break again. -How do you know? *grins* Die mends are forever."

"No one is more unnecessarily confident than a white person that just ordered Mexican food in a Spanish accent."

"I told my parents to put their Euros in my UK bank account, just in case. It didn't work."

"Why did Snoop Dogg buy an umbrella? Fo drizzle"

"What do you call a cow thats had a hysterectomy? Decaffeinated."

"What does the twitter bird drink? Twater!"

"Mayweather remains unbeaten Unlike his ex-girlfriends."

"Hey girl, I'm an Aries... Wanna get rammed?"