62005

Joke of the Day

"I bought a new deodorant today. The instructions said ""open cap and push up bottom"". Now I can't walk but my farts smell awesome."

"What did one cop say to the other cop while investigating a crime scene at a farm? A rooster!"

"Why do the Scots wear kilts? Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away."

"My girlfriend is the best hooker in the country All her fellow rugby players agree."

"You would think that, if you pulled a snail's shell off, then it would be able to move faster. I tried it, but they seem to be more sluggish."

"Cops: You were driving while intoxicated Me: I was in no condition to walk"

"newfie joke How did the newfie injure himself raking leaves? He fell out of the tree"

"Me: Ok, who got Oreo filling on the couch? Husband: 4: 7: Me: Well... 7: It really could have been any of us. 4: (licks couch)"

"My neighborhood is having a meeting tonight about the crazy naked lady and I'm the only one not invited. Weird."

"My friend is so stupid she thought Alabama is a city. Don't worry, I informed her Alabama is the president."