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Joke of the Day

"My neighbor is crazy. After playing some Justin Bieber at high volume at 7 o'clock this morning, he commited suicide by shooting himself 8 times in the back with my gun."

"I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today. The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in."

"If you drive a Hummer, I will assume you are a douchebag. If aforementioned Hummer is bright yellow, I will crown you their king."

"What do you call a lamington that weighs a lot? A lamingTON!"

"I went on a blind date and the girl gave me a honeycomb. Knew right away she was a keeper."

"If you really want to fuck a vampire.. then i'd say you're down for the count"

"#rubbishjokes What do you call the soft tissue between a shark's teeth? The slowest swimmer."

"What's better than a Kike on a Pike? Two Kikes on a Pike!"

"Why did the masseuse give her lawyer a happy ending? She thought he could come in handy. (I'll let myself out)"

"What do Hispanic parents say to teach their son to drive? Jesus, take the wheel!"