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Joke of the Day

"If you drive a Hummer, I will assume you are a douchebag. If aforementioned Hummer is bright yellow, I will crown you their king."

"Two grapes were walking down the street and one was assaulted. If that didn't make you laugh, it's because GRAPE JOKES ARE NEVER FUNNY!"

"Walmart is giving away dead batteries for the holidays... Free of charge"

"""Wife stabs husband with squirrel"" was on the news.. Does anyone know how to sharpen a Squirrel?"

"Whenever teachers say 'show your work', just write a bunch of numbers down and hope they're tired that night."

"Why were the bakers hands brown? Because he kneeded a poo"

"A couple are having trouble with their marriage... Wife: We used to have something special Jon! Something rare and precious! What happened to that? Husband: You spent it all dear."

"My friend and I wanted to take the spider out instead of killing it... Went and got drinks, cool guy, wants to be a web designer."

"What do you call four Mexicans stuck in quicksand? Cuatro Sinko"

"What happened to the chicken whose feathers were all pointing the wrong way ? She was tickled to death !"