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Joke of the Day

"*at a concert* ARE YOU GUYS READY TO ROCK (Crowd) ""YEAAAAH"" LETS DO THIS HIT IT *30 second ad plays first*"

"How to spot an idiot at the gym? They put a water bottle where the Pringles go."

"The only way I'd want to watch a video of you pouring a bucket of ice water over your head is if you promise you drown at the end."

"Me:She's better than me. BF:She's not. M:Look at those, they're incredible! BF: M:STOP STARING! -Boyfriend reading other women's tweets"

"good news and bad news. bad news is the dog pissed on the bed ""we don't have a dog"" *smiles getting ready to deliver the good news*"

"I lost my balance on an escalator and fell down the stairs for 2 hours."

"What do you call a girl who only likes guys with big muscles? A Biceptual"

"Whats black and sits at the top of the stairs? A paraplegic in a house fire."

"What do you call a dinosaur that sleeps around a lot? A carniv-whore."

"What do you take before every meal? A seat."