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Joke of the Day

"I can make you speak Irish Say ""Whale oil beef hooked"" quickly"

"What do tofu and dildos have in common? They serve as makeshift substitutes for people who have forsaken meat."

"My girlfriend just texted me, 'thespacebuttonisbrokenonmyphonecanyoupleasegivemeanalternative Anybody know what ternative means?"

"How do you fix a broken gorilla? With a monkey wrench."

"I find humour in the simple things... That's why I am banned from all Special Olympics events."

"What's a pirates favorite letter? You think it's the ""R"" but it's really the ""C"". Happy talk like a pirate day!"

"What's the difference between an entomologist and an etymologist? An etymologist would know"

"Proper punctuation can be the difference between a tweet being well written and a tweet being well, written."

"I've been locked in a room to cure my acne. I haven't broken out yet."

"I went to buy a Christmas tree today The cashier asked me, ""Will you be putting that up yourself?"" I reply, ""No you sick fuck I'll be putting it up in my living room!"""