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Joke of the Day

"When the police asked me where I was between 4 and 5, apparently ""Kindergarten"" wasn't the answer he was looking for."

"My brief gig as a lounge singer ended when I asked 4 requests & realized I didn't know the song ""Get Off the Stage or Die."" Elvis, maybe?"

"If you couldn't tell, I am into fitness. Fitness whole slice of pizza into my mouth!"

"I was watching a tv evangelist this morning and it made me realize how much I'm looking forward to the Rapture. Yeah, I can't wait until all these ""Christians"" are gone."

"Doctor Doctor I'm becoming invisible. Yes I can see you're not all there!"

"I don't mean to sound like a tough guy but I've been in New York City for almost two hours and I've only cried like 31 times..."

"You see a rat stealing pizza, I see a rat providing for his four turtle children"

"I ask myself, ""How did I get here?,"" I'm sure my neighbors ask the same question every time they catch me in their house...taking a shower."

"Sorry I stuck a cheese puff in your baby's mouth when you couldn't find a pacifier."

"(Nsfw)What must a vampire ask before he has sex? Is it alright if I cum inside?"