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Joke of the Day

"I saw a homeless man I know on a bicycle Guess he's mobile homeless"

"*Boss approaches desk* ""What the fu.."" Me, wearing paper clip necklace - ""See? I knew you'd be mad so I made you one too"""

"Alcohol is never the answer, unless the question is being at a party and feeling socially awkward."

"Daddy! I am hungry! I want to eat! You should be ashamed, son. When I was your age, I wanted to be an astronaut."

"My horoscope said that I won't get along with Cancer... Nether do people in hospice care."

"*cleans house while wife's out* W: *walks in* wow babe, thanks so- M: APRIL FOOL'S *runs around making huge mess til it's worse than before*"

"When is the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-Hurty"

"What do you call a Mexican who lost a car? Carlos"

"Why do shower heads have 11 holes? Cause Jews only have ten fingers."

"[at preschool open house hearing nut allergy policy] *raises hand* What if I draw a peanut on her napkin? Wife: Please go wait in the car"