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Joke of the Day

"My horoscope said that I won't get along with Cancer... Nether do people in hospice care."

"Why did God invent men? Because vibrators can't mow the lawn"

"Women used to always call me ugly, until they find out how much money I make. Now they call me ugly and poor."

"Math and alcohol don't mix. Don't drink and derive."

"Me: Got my finger stuck in this beer bottle. Wife: How?! M: Just help me. W: Have you tried butter? M: It's delicious. Now will you help me?"

"Why does Mr Tayto carry a phone in his top pocket? In case Johnny Onion Rings!"

"I want a hair cut please. Certainly which one !"

"5 out of 1 dentists agree, they have multiple-personality disorder"

"Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces... For example, I'm going to the liquor store and I'm scared that it may be closed..."

"What's the worst thing about owning a dildo farm? Squatters."