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Joke of the Day

"How do you kill a hipster? Drown him in the main stream. A hipster actually told me this one."

"What would an employee only entrance to a brothel be called in Westeros? A Hodor..."

"What do pedophiles and McDonalds have in common? They are both bad for kids, but *I'm lovin it!*"

"What Should You Do After Ireland Wins The World Cup Turn off Fifa and go to bed"

"If Earth was a rented apartment, ain't NOOOO WAAAAAY we're getting our security deposit back."

"I hate when people ask where I think I'll be in five years I don't have 2020 vision."

"Is it just me? Or does amy schumer look like sarah silvermann sounds?"

"What does a Muslim have if they hate their god? An Allahgy"

"Her: 911, what's your emerge- Me: SOMEONE'S WEARING CROCS! Her: Sir, that's not an em- Me: WITH A FANNY PACK! Her: I'll send an officer."

"Doctor, the suppositories you prescribed for me are horribly bitter! -- Have you been ... eating them? -- No, I've been shoving them up my ass!"