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Joke of the Day

"Oh my god, my jeans fit! All I have to do is not sit down, not walk, and not breathe. I totally got this."

"If Bill Clinton gets divorced... Does that mean he's over the Hil?"

"A pharmaceutical truck full of Viagra was stolen today. The police said to be on the lookout for hardened criminals"

"Where did the memes make their last stand? The Aylmao."

"I was thinking of opening up a restaurant that only serves burnt pizza its called Pompie"

"What idiot called it jousting and not poker knight?"

"recruiter: u should join the army octopus: buddy I'm army enough as it is"

"What drink can wrongly convict a black man? Tequila Mockingbird"

"Q: What do you get when you combine a recliner with a fruit? A: A chairy."

"Most people have 32 teeth. Some have 10. It's simple meth."