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Joke of the Day

"I have two short jokes and one long joke. . . Joke Joke Joooooooooooooooooooke. (I apologize to everyone. That one offended even me.)"

"Michael Strahan has a line of clothing at JC Penneys I think the Gap would be more appropriate."

"My son has the worst altitude ever. He's defiant, rude and floating like six feet off the ground."

"What's accounting? Something Italians learn in preschool."

"ACHOO! Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit."

"I am never too old to redecorate your garden gnomes in the middle of the night."

"""Give me the best quality TV commercial I can get for $57!"" -Every attorney apparently"

"Did you guys hear about that actress who stabbed her waiter with her fork? Im trying to remember her name. Its Reese something. Help me out here...."

"My buddy's phone autocorrected ""wife"" to ""wide"" and now he's living in my garage."

"Did you hear about the new transgender operation? It's called a strapadictomy"