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Joke of the Day

"Did you guys hear about that actress who stabbed her waiter with her fork? Im trying to remember her name. Its Reese something. Help me out here...."

"What do you call a bean that's good at silent acting? A pintomime."

"[hears a voice in the sky] - Is it you? GOD?! [kneels] Voice: Could the idiot on platform 4 stop kneeling every time I make an announcement?"

"What's the best part about dating a homeless girl? You can drop her off anywhere!!"

"What do people who don't like the slippery slope argument call it? The slippery slope fallacy"

"What do you call someone who keeps trying the same thing again and again, yet expects different results? A weapons designer for the First Order."

"if you can't handle me at my worst, you're probably that gutless Outback Steakhouse shift manager who called the cops on me last night"

"Have you met my vegetarian girlfriend? Nah, I've never met herbivore."

"Why did Bill Gates & Warren Buffett once have me quickly kicked out of a game of bridge? When it was my turn to bid I kept saying, ""Go fish""."

"What is programmers' favorite wine? [yellow tail]"