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Joke of the Day

"Are you cold? Go stand in a corner. They're always 90 degrees."

"I used to hate toe fungus... But now it's really growing on me"

"How did they know Christa McAuliffe had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders on the beach"

"When people fall with their iPhone 6 in pocket and hear a crack sound: ""Please let it be my leg, Lord."""

"[watching ""Cinderella""] 5-year-old: Why does she keep cleaning the floors? Me: Her stepsisters make her. 5: She should just buy a Roomba."

"When I was younger I used to think I was a God. Most parents give their kids food, mine gave me burnt offerings."

"What does a virgin eat for breakfast? Has it been that long (Depending on the audience, it may be important to complete with a comedic pause and) ... ... since breakfast?"

"Why can't Democrats sell pants? They believe in a single-pair system."

"Most guys that think they know everything about women usually lack one thing.... A woman."

"What do you call a girl who expects a guy to do everything for her, make all the first moves, and text her first every day? SINGLE."