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Joke of the Day

"why did both ass-cheeks get fired from work? One was always left behind causing the other to half-ass everything"

"Words are so powerful; but I never have time to write on my fists before a fight."

"All conclusions should be drawn in crayon."

"I drool as I watch the gyro meat getting sliced off the stick for my wrap... ... then I wonder - is that how vegans feel when they watch someone mowing the lawn?"

"My friend is nuts. He thinks he's Bugs Bunny. But I'm positive he isn't. How do you know he isn't? Because I am."

"I am a joke. I am not a joke. What is laughter? DEATH! I died of laughter tomorrow!"

"Batman Acting Application A actor walks into the interview. The interviewer asked him questions.""So far you are the perfect person for the job. Last question,are your parents alive?"""

"On a scale of corn to manycorn how impressed are you by my new corn-based number system"

"What has been in the news specifically because it comes in small boxes? Jared's penis"

"What did the nutrionist say to the zombies as they were breaking down the doors of a hospital in West Hollywood? ""Don't forget to eat your gays and invalids."""