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Joke of the Day

"My wife and I are working on our marriage. She's more attentive to my needs and I've mostly stopped telling other women I'm a single father."

"Why does everyone care who Tom Brady voted for? What we really wanna know is who Ja Rule voted for. WHERE IS JA?!"

"Why was the doctor forced to leave work early? The hospital ran all out of patience"

"Boy: Grandma do you know how to croak. Grandma: No I don't think so. Why? Boy: Because Daddy says he'll be a rich man when you do."

"How many Northern Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Hella."

"Yo girl, you must be a butterfly 'Cuz I feel like I wanna mount you."

"In what situation would you need Nancy to come out of the ground? in an emergenancy"

"Want to hear a joke about Hillary Clinton's emails? [deleted]"

"If you see your friend Jack on the plane... Don't say hi. Especially if his last name is King."

"No thanks CVS, I don't need a bag. I'll just wrap up my purchase in the 12 foot receipt you just gave me."