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Joke of the Day

"[I open my lunchbox to find a copy of the Magna Carta] But that means... [cut to British Library patrons thoughtfully examining a Capri Sun]"

"Normal things that become creepy when you look both ways before doing them: Pick up a kid Unlock a door Load a rolled rug into your trunk"

"What kind of a shoe has a problem? An issue."

"What's the worst part about locking your keys in the car in an abortion clinic parking lot? Going inside to ask for a hanger."

"What's little,metal, and will ruin dinner A bullet in your face"

"What do you call a group of nit picky redditors? A headache."

"Three really fat girls were cramped under one umbrella. Why didn't any of them get wet? It wasn't raining."

"So I said to this sloth, ""listen here buddy.."" Before i could finish he interrupted me and shouted""Woah, woah! Slow down!"""

"Scottish boy asks his dad about Islam Son: ""Ey dad, what is Islam?"" Dad: ""Oh, well Sunni, it's a Shiite religion"""

"Customer: Couldn't you see I was going bald? Barber: No the shine from your head blinded me."