151994

Joke of the Day

"Friendship. (A bit of a dark humour) Friend: I need to save money... Me: Get a life vest Me: And some rope. Friend: Why do I need the life vest? Me: If you have to ask, you might not need one."

"Why was the haunted mansion self conscious? Because it got a lot of creepy stairs. FML."

"A Massachusetts man was arrested for illegally keeping over 400 birds in his home. He tried to keep it a secret, but he couldn't keep the birds from tweeting about it."

"A Counselor saw a camper sitting alone. 'Why don't you play with your friends?' he asked. 'Because I only have one friend' the girl replied. 'And I hate her.'"

"What do comic book collectors use in their hair? Mint conditioner."

"A guy with a gun enters a bar... ""Who the fuck had sex with my wife?"" He snarled. A voice was heard in the background, ""You don't have enough bullets mate!"""

"Some joke my dad told me a long time ago What's one profession that doctors, lawyers, even the king of Saudi Arabia and the presidents of the USSR and US bow their heads to? Barbers."

"rolls sleeve rolls sleeve rolls sleeve rolls sleeve rolls sleeve rolls sleeve rolls sleeve rolls sleeve -Octopus preparing for a fight"

"It's raining cats and dogs outside. Know how I can tell? I stepped in a poodle."

"I can always tell how good my weekend was by how many pictures I have to untag on Monday."