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Joke of the Day

"I can always tell how good my weekend was by how many pictures I have to untag on Monday."

"[travels back in time to warn 12 year old me about playing video games too much] you become fat and lazy and-whoa Mortal Kombat 2 scoot over"

"If a female fighter pilot shoots down a lot of enemy airplanes, she might plausibly be called a heroine. But if she shoots up a lot of heroin, she will probably not be called an enemy airplane."

"What's the difference between a fridge and a vagina? A fridge doesn't fart when you take out the meat."

"Q: How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark."

"In light of Jeremy Clarkson's recent firing from BBC... If James May quits in return we will all be in dis-May."

"Currently on minute 137 of Easy~Bake Oven cupcakes. I'll be live Tweeting their status as they crisp up over the next day or two."

"Why aren't there any mexicans in the Olympics? Cuz all that can run, jump or swim have got their ass over here."

"What did the boy with no arms or legs get for Christmas? I don't know, he couldn't open it."

"Why did everyone turn away when the race car drove past? It had a SPOILER on it."