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Joke of the Day
"Why was the haunted mansion self conscious? Because it got a lot of creepy stairs. FML."
Next Joke
"Good job on the speed traps, cops - How are the getting murdered traps coming along?"
"""You're the Garbage Man, eh? What's your super power?"" ""I'm just here to take out the trash."" ""Whoa, we'll get to your catch phrase later."""
"I hate when someone asks me where I see myself 5 years from now when I don't even remember where the hell I was 2 days ago."
"The little old woman who lived in a shoe... ...wasn't the sole owner - there were strings attached."
"To this day, no song pumps me up as much as the theme from 'Bill Nye the Science Guy.'"
"How do you know if a girl is on her period? Shut up!"
"What's the worst thing about getting bitten by a poisonous spider? You're probably Australian. EDIT: I mean venomous, not poisonous. I am sorry"
"How many roads must a man walk? 42."
"What's the fastest way to drive through Louisiana? Drive the route with Les Miles! ... I'll see myself out."