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Joke of the Day

"It's become so annoying at weddings, when elderly relatives start playing the game of ""I wonder who'll be next""... ...so I've started doing the same to them at funerals."

"I have a friend who is half-Indian... He's Ian."

"Maybe, ""only if you're taking me to dinner"" wasn't the best response to, ""is this going down?"" to the guy on the elevator. Flirting is hard"

"After a disappointing summer, Humpty Dumpty ended up having a great fall!"

"Hungry? The hell with a snickers. Look to her cleavage, you'll find at least two snacks there and maybe some stray popcorn."

"""What should we call the big finger?"" ""'Thumb' seems as good as any."" ""Impressive. What about this smallest one?"" ""PINKY!"" ""............."""

"Bacon: Toast, great tan! Eggs: Ham, you smell good! Ham: Thank you Eggs, you too! Toast: Bacon, you're awesome bro! -complementary breakfast"

"How do you turn an airliner into a boat? #**Allahu Ackbar!**"

"What do you call a bunch of white guys in a burning building? Fire Crackers."

"What do you call a meth-head that's been up for 2 weeks? A two-weeker"