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Joke of the Day

"My wife asked me if I wanted to be cremated after my death Or immediately before."

"Life plan: 1. Befriend shady people. 2. Witness a murder. 3. Enter witness protection & get new name. 4. So long student loans!"

"What do we want? An endless supply of milk When do we want it? Cow"

"I'm hosting a support group for people who struggle to reach orgasm. If you can't come let me know"

"""This is OnStar. How can we assist?"" ""What are you wearing?"" ""Do I need to get a supervisor?"" ""Like a threesome? Is that part of my plan?"""

"A physicist sees a man about to jump off from the top of Sears Tower... He yells to him ""Don't do it! You have so much potential!"""

"I'm sick and tired of people telling me to turn off my lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I hit a cyclist."

"What do you get if you cross a phone with a mouthwash? Tele-Scope."

"HEY DISNEY: If Cinderella's shoe fit so perfectly, why'd it fall off? Yeah, time to do some critical thinking."

"How do you find Will Smith in the Snow? I don't know. Just look for the Fresh prints! Ha ha. He's also black."