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Joke of the Day

"Q: How many divorced men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None the sockets go with the house."

"GOD: Done! Every animal niche perfectly filled WOODPECKERS: We didn't get anything GOD: Oh. Uh...just pound trees with your face"

"Dozing off during Sportscenter and waking up an hour later in the same clip is every guy's version of Memento."

"My blind friend just tried LSD for the first time... There was more tripping than usual."

"Why doesn't Jesus like M&Ms? They keep falling through. If that's not offensive enough, replace it with black Jesus and skittles."

"You politely tap a jogger with your car one time, and suddenly you get labeled a hero."

"I would have gladly studied to become a theoretical physicist,... but unfortunately, I'm allergic to B.S."

"I'm really sick of my job. It's always ""copy this"", ""print that"", ""you left your bra in the break room again."""

"3 blind mice walk into a bar... ...but they are unaware of their surroundings so to draw humour from their situation would be exploitative."

"You know what really grinds my gears? Not pushing my clutch pedal down far enough"