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Joke of the Day

"I would have gladly studied to become a theoretical physicist,... but unfortunately, I'm allergic to B.S."

"im a normal guy.. i put on my pants on the exact same normal amount of leg way you do. i kno that number. im a nomal guy"

"Harness the power of my dog's wagging tail and we could step into a much greener future."

"a fun thing to do if your wife leaves her fb open: post an argument you had but switch who said what and watch her friends agree with 'her'"

"So, today I woke up and asked my UK counterpart... ""Did you have eggs and bacon with your Brexit this morning?"""

"Why don't I play chess with the Prodigy? they smack my bishop"

"What shoes to chickens wear? Reebok bok bok"

"How do you tell off a toilet? Tell them to eat shit."

"In the 50's the pot called the kettle a different word."

"""OH MY GOD IS THAT GLUTEN ON THE FLOOR!?!?!"" Great way to clear the checkout lines at Whole Foods."