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Joke of the Day

"How do you know if someone doesn't like Football and isn't going to watch the Super Bowl? They'll tell you"

"When I was 13 I prayed to God to lengthen my penis by 1"". I think I made him angry. Either that or the Olympian Gods answered my prayer."

"Why can't Barbie get pregnant? Because Ken comes in a different box. Heyooooooo"

"What do you call masturbating on a plane? Hijacking."

"Shopping with friend ""Look, triangle-shaped tupperware for your leftover pizza!"" Me: ""What's leftover pizza?"

"My cat is walking a very fine line between being cute & being sold to the Korean restaurant down the street."

"A joke I've been working on. So a guy dies in a car wreck. He wakes up waiting in a line labeled automotive accidents. The guy in front of him and says "" You from South Carolina too?"""

"Do you like them? I made them from scratch. Do you want one? - me introducing my kids to strangers."

"""We're going to chop off your testicles so we can love you until we decide you need to die."" --pet owners"

"i have learned nothing from everything and will continue to do so with zero responsibility and consequences"