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Joke of the Day

"If I could be any X-Men I think I'd pick Professor X. Don't really care about the mind-reading stuff I just hate walking."

"What do you get when you put 50 politicians and 50 lesbians in a room together? 100 cunts that don't do dick."

"The Illuminati doesn't scare me They never even kill anyo"

"Well, well, well. I guess my silver letter opener isn't so ""gaudy"" now that there's a rampaging werewolf in the house, is it, Gladys?"

"Which rabbit is a famous comedian? Bob Hop."

"Babies are the two extremes on the spectrum of smell. They either smell like heaven filled with lollipops or a microwaved porta-potty."

"[Parent-Teacher Conference] Teacher: ..if another kid is mean to her, she calmly walks away Me: *flips table* WHICH KID IS MEAN TO HER?!?!"

"A kiss makes my whole day Anal makes my hole weak"

"What do you call it when an Asian composer really needs the bathroom? Rover Flows Out Of You."

"A girl on Facebook says it's officially too cold to go outside. Thank you for your official confirmation, Madison, I will remain indoors."