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Joke of the Day

"A girl on Facebook says it's officially too cold to go outside. Thank you for your official confirmation, Madison, I will remain indoors."

"Stores in baltimore have been completely looted. all that's left is sunscreen and father's day cards. sauce: http://imgur.com/gallery/Tae9PI5"

"My date seemed really excited when I said I had a horse's cock. For some reason she seemed disgusted when I took it out of the fridge."

"What do you call a blind deer? No eye deer! What do you call a blind deer without legs? Still no eye deer!"

"My greatest contribution to most situations is just not making it worse."

"The only thing that would prevent my wife from going to Pilates class would be if they invented a more expensive form of exercise."

"One Wish If I was a governor the first thing I'd do, is make having a family garden an excessive tax write-off: and I'd have the most beautiful state ever."

"What did Obi-Wan Kenobi say to the guy at the liquor store? Only a Sith deals in Absolut."

"ladies call me a keyboard cus i'm always in front of the computer and i've got crumbs in all my crevices"

"Everyone want to change the WORLD, but no one thinks of changing THEMSELVES !!!"