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Joke of the Day

"Just got home to find the doors ripped off and everything gone. What kind of bastard could do that to my chocolate advent calendar?"

"I'm really sick of my job. It's always ""copy this"", ""print that"", ""you left your bra in the break room again."""

"Tonight I'm going to have my favorite drink. It's called ""a lot."""

"How many bugs does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just two, as long as they can find a way in."

"My boss noticed I shaved before coming in to the office today then he told me if i wanted to keep my job I would have to start keeping my pants on"

"Why wasn't Daredevil in Civil War? He doesn't work well with Vision"

"Actually, until you cut into it it's chocolate *magma* cake. If you could just bring me a menu with the proper nomenclature that'd be great."

"What do you get when you have Windows and Mac OS X dual booting from the same computer? A co-operating system."

"Why do blurry people always ask me if I'm drunk?"

"Watching Jeopardy backwards would be about a panel of 3 people asking Alex Trebek questions that he always gets right."