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Joke of the Day

"While playing the depressing part of a videogame, my close pal Xavier suddenly starts massaging my crotch I've never been so touched on an emotional level."

"Getting into a fight at a dog park about cleaning up after your dog. You can't just walk away from this shit."

"I find like geologers make really good friends... ...they are very down to Earth."

"What do you call a drug addict that's allergic to heroin? Cracktose Intolerant"

"Honey, let's make this cactUS a cacti. What I'm saying is I want a divorce, and I'm taking the cactus with me."

"Operators are standing by. Untold numbers of them. In shadows. The forest grows dark with operators."

"For Jesus this was anything but a Good Friday."

"why was 6 afraid of 7 because 789"

"When one door closes, another opens. Also, you can open the closed door. That's how doors work. How do you know so little about doors?"

"I once saw a real bear in the wild and said ""Aww, look at him!"" What I'm saying is, don't turn to me for practical thinking in an emergency."