11764

Joke of the Day

"So I went to an Ethiopian restaurant last week... and I am still waiting for the food."

"I tried to make this post all about why Finland DOES actually exist... ...but I couldn't Finnish."

"My ex is coming to town tomorrow so I have to lose fifty pounds by morning."

"Nothing says ""I love you"" like my cat aggressively bathing herself immediately after I pet her."

"Did you hear about that proctologist who became an English teacher? Did you hear about the proctologist who became and English teacher? He specializes in teaching analogies."

"Quitting the gym because it's easier, quicker and cheaper to simply invite my friends over for dinner every day and make them fatter than me"

"If I can't find any cheese this sandwich will be toast!"

"""My brother's coming over for dinner."" Ugh, is he still talking only in country names? *brother walks in* ""Chad Hungary. Jamaica Turkey?"""

"Remember duck tape turns no no no... In to mmm mmm mmm"

"Whenever teachers say 'show your work', just write a bunch of numbers down and hope they're tired that night."