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Joke of the Day

"Had a little dog named Mustard, he didn't relish me so he ran away. I couldn't catch up."

"ur only a true 2012s kid if u remember kony"

"People that say ""money can't buy happiness"" either have no money or buying the wrong things."

"My nutritionist told me to only eat foods if I could pronounce their ingredients I gained a lot of weight after taking organic chemistry."

"I've never once used the ""C word"" in a tweet but I will now!!!! Cookie. There, happy now? You c**ts."

"How to keep idiot waiting? I'll tell tomorrow."

"I hate when I show up to a funeral and another guy is wearing the same hot dog costume."

"An immigration officer asks a drunk man if he's Hungarian he says ""yep, but my name's not Arian"""

"What do you call a homesick Asian? Disoriented"

"As a feminist who's fairly critical of her own movement, this made me laugh: Q: How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: That's not funny."