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Joke of the Day

"I've never once used the ""C word"" in a tweet but I will now!!!! Cookie. There, happy now? You c**ts."

"Hey, did you hear about the streaker with a fetish for police? They caught him, but he got off with a warning."

"And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance... Barista: Sir your Caffe Mocha is ready. Me: Oh ok nevermind."

"I invented a new sexual position called ""The Republican"" where I screw poor people."

"Who's this Rorschach dude? And why is he so good at drawing pictures of my mom beating me?"

"What did the redneck get on his SATs? Barbecue sauce."

"Cinderella is my favorite fairy tale about how foot size is the best way to recognize someone."

"What do you do to an elephant with three balls? Walk him, and pitch to the giraffe!"

"How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? Shoot him before he hits the water."

"Of all the different types of pornography ... I'd say animal porn is the bestial."