150706

Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a thief and a pervert? A thief ~~steals~~ snatches your watch, a pervert watches your snatch. EDIT: I've done fucked it up."

"FRIEND. My daughter just hates her job ME: My dogter loves hers F: You mean dau.. ME: *shows her a pic of a puppy in scrubs* She's a dogtor"

"I never know what to do with my hands during pictures, so I get it gang members, I totally get it."

"Why is being in the military like a blow-job? The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel. "

"Why did James Comey refuse to indict Hillary Clinton? Because he found his suicide note in her Wikileaks emails."

"What is a Cell? something you keep black people in"

"A skinny friend told me she's never hungry and just 'forgets to eat', so I drove her out to the woods and left her for dead. Is that wrong?"

"sometimes when a man and a woman love each other very much they decide to bring a tiny shitting bald man screaming into the world"

"what's black and white and red all over? interracial couple losing virginity"

"I am not a weatherman but... you can expect 20 centimetres tonight"