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Joke of the Day

"FRIEND. My daughter just hates her job ME: My dogter loves hers F: You mean dau.. ME: *shows her a pic of a puppy in scrubs* She's a dogtor"

"Why is Santa's sack so big? He only comes once a year!"

"If you always think the grass is greener on the other side, maybe you should water what the fuck you have and see how that works out first."

"A man and a fortune teller make a compromise and reach a happy medium."

"Mark Twain Quote ""Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason."""

"Being in love is like peeing your pants: everybody sees it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings."

"My wife tripped and dropped the basket of clothes she'd just ironed. It may sound far-fetched but it's true. I watched it all unfold."

"What's the cheapest kind of meat. Deer balls, they're under a buck."

"WHY DOES THIS BOTTLE OF BODY WASH HAVE DIRECTIONS PRINTED ON IT"

"*two minor inconveniences happen at the same time* me: *needs to lie down for 3 days*"