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Joke of the Day

"A skinny friend told me she's never hungry and just 'forgets to eat', so I drove her out to the woods and left her for dead. Is that wrong?"

"Why do Jews always seem to find spare change laying around? They cents it."

"Did you hear about all the students who are using brake fluid to get high? The teachers aren't too worried about it. The students can stop anytime."

"A policeman came into my house and told me to put my hands up.I told him that he wasn't a DJ and we laughed and laughed and now I'm in jail."

"Why do girls wear makeup and perfume? Because they're ugly and they stink."

"Funny how old trash yards always have so much razor wire on the fence If I want that trash bad enough no amount of razors will stop me"

"Crazy ex-girlfriends are like a box of chocolate They'll kill your dog"

"Girls like bad boys, so why can't I get a girlfriend? I'm bad at literally everything. (If you came here expecting a joke, I'm sorry, the joke is my life)"

"I tried inventing a belt with a clock on it... It was a waist of time"

"""You never say you love me,"" wept my girlfriend. I walked up to her and said, ""You love me."""