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Joke of the Day

"I now have an EpiPen My friend gave it to me when he was dying. It seemed really important that I have it, I will cherish forever."

"what ultimately decides your fate while you are driving? Your Carma"

"What do you call an ugly Spanish chemist? Iron Oxide"

"My office has started random urine testing of employees to detect traces of hope or optimism."

"I heard it's a good night to see the Perseid meteor shower . . . . . . but I haven't heard how it got dirty."

"What geometric figure is like a runaway parrot? A polygon ."

"What did Jack say when Nick called him a son of a bitch? He couldn't say anything. He was a dog."

"Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden? A. Your mother ate us out of house and home."

"Orange is the new black Is what a Trump says after fucking a Kardashian."

"We got your viagra A man walks into a pharmacy to pick up some prescription drugs. The pharmacist says: ""oh, we got your viagra!"" The man replies: ""I don't give a fuck anymore"""