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Joke of the Day

"A friend bought a carton of cigarettes from an Israeli grocery and said she found something for a computer in it It was a JewSB drive"

"Blood is thicker than water but maple syrup is thicker than blood so technically pancakes are more important than family"

"7yo: mommy you smell like beer. Me: well, you smell like a bad idea that your dad and I thought could fix our marriage....now go to bed."

"I tripped over the dog a second ago and am hurting a little.Web md has it narrowed down to a sprained uterus or a dislocated cervix. So.."

"There was a young barmaid... There was a young barmaid from Sail, On her breasts were the prices of ale, And on her behind For the sake of the blind; Was the same information in braille."

"What did the scarecrow say before committing suicide? ""That's the last straw!"" *^I'm ^sorry.* [UsagiMimi](http://www.reddit.com/user/UsagiMimi/) helped me refine the wording."

"How do you get a ghost to lie perfectly flat? You use a spirit level."

"what after c? deez nut!"

"Knock knock Who's there? Not Paul Walker."

"I'm so happy I'm not as cool as you. Because then I'd be a huge fucking asshole."