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Joke of the Day

"There was a young barmaid... There was a young barmaid from Sail, On her breasts were the prices of ale, And on her behind For the sake of the blind; Was the same information in braille."

"[in hell] Me: *sneeze* The devil: bless you Me, waving as I float to heaven: haha, fool the devil: DAMN YOU Me, floating back to hell: dang"

"Sometimes I'll stop the treadmill at the gym and run in place. When people ask me what I'm doing, I'll say, ""Pretend stoplight."""

"What's the difference between an Iraqi middle school and a terrorist training camp? Fuck if I know, I just fly the drone."

"Jesus can walk on water so Jesus may be able to walk on water but who cares! Stephen hawking's runs on battery's"

"What time is it when you sit on a pin? Spring time."

"NSFW:Guy's should hold on to their memories. Guy's should hold on to their memories. Stupid Auto Correct: I meant mammaries."

"For a first date date, my girlfriend wasn't impressed when I tried to drive over the frozen lake drunk. But, it was an icebreaker."

"hi What did the painter say to the paint can? A lot of good you are . (the joke is that the paint can is empty)"

"They still won't let me on Shark Tank with my feminine hygiene products with Yo Momma jokes printed on 'em. That shit's racist."