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Joke of the Day

"7yo: mommy you smell like beer. Me: well, you smell like a bad idea that your dad and I thought could fix our marriage....now go to bed."

"What is black & white, black & white, black & white, black & white, black & white, black & blue? A nun falling down the stairs"

"I don't like going to funerals early in the day. I'm not much of a mourning person."

"What Do You Call A Fight Between An Illegal Immigrant And A Child Molester? Alien vs. Predator"

"Facebook asks me what I'm thinking. Twitter asks me what I'm doing. 4square asks me where I am. Conclusion: the Internet is my girlfriend."

"How will the Duggar's stay on TV and make money? By moving the show to a ""true crime"" channel and calling it ""18 Victims and Counting""."

"What has two thumb drives full of porn and forgot his laptop was hooked up to the projector?"

"What did the Iraqi refugee say when he crossed the border? Iran!"

"Everyone on the planet is such a hypocrite and so self-centered Oh, except for me of course"

"My girlfriend just told me she was moving away to either Cleveland or Tulsa... All I could think to say was, ""OH. OK."""