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Joke of the Day

"I'm not in a relation""ship,"" I'm in a relation""barge"" that's towing emotional garbage all day long."

"How do you find Will Smith in a snow storm? You look for fresh prints."

"What was Hitler's favourite aquatic animal? Adolfin."

"If Mississippi lost her New Jersey what would Delaware? Idaho, Alaska"

"Why doesn't Texas float away into the Gulf of Mexico? Because Oklahoma sucks."

"I just heard my friend suffocated working at a nescafe factory. I was worried he suffered but luckily, it was instant."

"Remember, Christmas isn't about how big your tree is, or what's under it. It's about who's around it."

"I'm sorry I dropped your baby and doubly sorry I nudged it under the crib with my foot so you wouldn't notice."

"I wish more people were fluent in silence."

"My grandpa is just like a plant. If you don't feed him, he'll die. Plus, he's super quiet when he's in the room watching you have sex."