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Joke of the Day

"America sure is having some bad luck It's almost like it was built on an ancient Indian burial ground."

"A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says... ""What's with the steering wheel on the front of your pants?"" The pirate says, ""Argh!! I don't know but it's driving me testicles!!!"""

"90% of my opinions are a shrug."

"What does a stoner do to work out? Kush ups"

"What did all of the birds do to the bird that couldn't fly? They ostrich-sized him"

"How do you stop an Ethiopian tank with a gun? Shoot the people pushing it."

"SHOUT OUT TO ALL THE WEATHER REPORTERS RISKING LIFE & LIMB SO WE CAN ALL KNOW WHAT A 130MPH HURRICANE LOOKS LIKE IN THE DARK!"

"How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to say the word, ""unionized""."

"I saw a bumper sticker today..... I saw a bumper sticker today that said, ""My child has more chromosomes than yours (:"" .....what a retarded sense of humor"

"Just called my own voicemail and left messages until the memory was full. People can't leave messages now. That's the kind of genius I am."