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Joke of the Day

"how to get Rich Stab the motherfucker."

"When the machines become self aware their first order of business will be changing our perception of how robots dance."

"Who's to say tomorrow won't be the best day of your life? A statistician."

"What's an old carpenter's biggest issue? Losing teeth."

"What pets think about their owners? A dog: He feeds me, takes care about me, gives me shelter... He is God. A cat: He feeds me, takes care about me, gives me shelter... I am God."

"Having a girlfriend is like having a car... ... I don't have a car :'(."

"What did the joke say to the anti-joke ""I'm a joke,"" and the proceeded to cry into his beer."

"I went to the zoo today, but it only had one animal! It was a Shitzu ... I'll see myself out edit: apparantly this is another common repost which I have never seen. Oh well, I like it."

"What do you call two crows sitting in a tree? Attempted murder."

"I think if I was blind I would enjoy Walmart."