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Joke of the Day

"Fun trick: Handcuff her and tell her you're taking her to 50 Shades of Grey. That way she can't escape when you go to The SpongeBob Movie."

"Travelers to India joke that the country name is an acronym for, I'll Never Do It Again!"

"(gym) Me: *tries to lift dumbbell *drops it Trainer: COME ON! IT'S NOT THAT HEAVY! Me: I know, it's just this KFC grease making it slip"

"Why do asians squint all the time? Because nukes are so bright"

"What did the rock say to the other rock? Im hard"

"[approaches parent with child on a leash] ""Mind if I pet your dog?"" Hey that's my son! ""Oh my bad. Mind if I pet your son?"""

"How can you tell when the Mexicans have moved into your neighborhood? The Blacks get car insurance."

"When people say ""surreal"" they mean ""real"", it's just most of your life is not very real, just repetition and routine."

"Did you hear about the time Pontius Pilate got really drunk? He ended up nailing Jesus."