149680

Joke of the Day

"Today is National Girlfriend's Day. But it will never be National Marriage Day. The calendar's just not ready for that kind of commitment."

"I talk a lot. Your happiness will depend on your ability to figure out what matters and what doesn't. Good luck. - Women"

"How many Surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? Fish."

"It's like my racist grandpa used to say: ""Good morning."" That unrepentant bigot had many flaws, but cordial salutations wasn't one of them."

"Girls that are 16 and pregnant look stupid now.. But their kids will move out when they are 34."

"What if Stephen Hawking Is the real Slim Shady but he can't stand up"

"The only qualification for working at an airline is making a confused face at a monitor."

"The Trump Tower incident proves that.. ..the only way to climb up a corporate ladder is by sucking up"

"I don't mind head lice, unless I have to take them out of people's hair. But that's just me nitpicking."

"Doctor, how long do I have left to live? - Ten. - Ten what? - Nine."