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Joke of the Day

"I broke up with my girlfriend while we were jogging. I guess we had a good run."

"Has anyone here heard of the Mexican train conductor who went crazy and ran over a bunch of people? He had locomotives!"

"A joke my girlfriend came up with today... ""Can you let me out the basement for 5 minutes?"""

"The four most beautiful words in our common language: ""I told you so."""

"I'll be honest, the only time I'd ever want to be 'Keeping Up With The Kardashians' would be if I was chasing them With an axe."

"Which is worse, ignorance or apathy? I don't know and I don't care"

"What do creationists and neutron stars have in common? Density"

"I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey. But I turned myself around."

"my girlfriend must feel the same way about pizza as she feels about sex. if she has it one night, she won't want it again for a few weeks."

"When I was a kid, I had a lemonade stand. I'd give away the first glass for free and charge $20 for the second. The refill contained the antidote."