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Joke of the Day

"Why did the man angrily throw out his alarm clock this morning? Because it reminded him of Jonathan Clock the man who raped his wife the night before."

"People with eyebrow, nose, and lip piercings always look like they landed face-first into a tackle box."

"Priest: Kim, do you take Kanye to be your lawfully wedded husband to love and cherish? Kim: I.. *Kanye grabs mic* Kanye: She do"

"Why couldn't cinderella play soccer? She always ran away from the ball"

"My grandma is going to vote for Hillary... She's been dead since 82."

"What does an Asian man do during an erection? Vote."

"DON'T TOUCH ME! AND YOU'RE BREATHING WRONG! STOP IT! -wives, on their period Or if they're hungry. Or if you are actually breathing wrong."

"A Special Eid Joke (From my dad) If you hear the words 'Allah-hu-Akbar' during the Eid prayer from anyone but the Imam (prayer leader), run in the opposite direction"

"My boyfriend and I are Cherokee Indians. He stood me up at our favorite restaurant last night... But it's OK. I don't think we could have stayed anyway, we didn't have a reservation."

"We've replaced Steve's regular coffee with a detailed understanding of the impending heat death of the universe. Let's see if he notices."